Voices from the Tour - Midwest

[00:00:00] Hey there, my name is Sean and this is Suicide Noted on this podcast. I talk with suicide attempt survivors and ideators so that we can hear their stories. Every year around the world, millions of people try to take their own lives and we almost never talk about it. We certainly don't talk about it enough and when we do talk about it, most of us aren't very good at it. And by that you know what I mean.

[00:00:19] So one of my goals with this podcast and other related projects is to have more conversations and hopefully better conversations with survivors in large part to help more people in more places hopefully feel a little less shitty and a little less alone. Places like Michigan and Kansas today is a Voices from the Tour episode covering three events, Eastern Michigan, Western Michigan and Kansas.

[00:00:41] As you may know, after each event, I had one on one conversations with some of our guests or audience members, asked a few questions. Sometimes it was the pink and purple pill question. Sometimes it's why are you here? What's your connection to suicide or whatever came up? So I've collected them and this is our third edition.

[00:00:58] Now, of course, keep in mind, we are talking about suicide on this podcast as we did on the tour. My guests and I do not hold back. Please take that into account before you listen or as you listen. But I do hope you listen because there is so much to learn. If you're curious, head over to suicidenoted.com if you have any questions or if you'd like to speak with me on the podcast, shoot me an email. Hello at suicidenoted.com.

[00:01:24] I know, yes, by the way, particularly in Kansas, there's a lot of extra ambient noise. Not much I can do about that. Did the best I could. I hope you enjoy the conversations you're about to hear with me and a handful of human beings, bold and brave human beings throughout the Midwest. What is your name? Hi, I'm Dane Evans. Dane, why did you come to this event today?

[00:01:51] Well, I got an email about it and I'm a local death doula. So it was really interesting to me. I also have experiences with suicide with myself and with others. So it was something that I was really curious to check out and I'm really glad I did. I was going to ask you about your connection to suicide, but I think you just answered that. I'm going to keep this brief, but you can add anything else you want after this one question I always ask on the podcast. Yeah.

[00:02:18] It's called the pink and purple pill question. I give you a pill. If you take it, you go to sleep. You don't wake up. There's no pain. Nobody knows it's suicide. Today, what would you do if I gave you that pill? I'd keep it. Why? I wouldn't take it, but I would keep it. We're all going to die. That's just a fact of life.

[00:02:37] I like the idea of choosing when that's going to happen. I have a lot of feelings about that and I think that it's absolutely acceptable for us to be the masters of our fate. I do have one more question, especially because death doula, death cafe, specifically around suicide, because those worlds converge, there's probably several answers to this.

[00:03:00] So I'm going to put you on the spot and say, what do you think comes to mind as the single most misunderstood idea, probably one that drives you batshit crazy about suicide, suicidality, things around that? Myth, misconception, bullshit. That it's a sin.

[00:03:45] Either way, it's not their fault. And to call it a sin, to call it a crime, to call it this, to call it that is, I think, disgusting. And of course, there's layers to that answer because you think about the people who are left in the wake of a suicide, of course. My heart goes out to them. Grief is a terrible thing, but we all go through grief. Everybody's going to go through grief. Because everybody around us is going to die. We are going to get sick.

[00:04:16] So we need to deal with the grief of our own death. And we need to deal with the death of people around us. Grief is going to happen to you, whether you like it or not. But people who commit suicide, people who do that, it's just not a choice. It's just a thing that happens. That's all I have to say. That was great. Thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you. What's your name? My name's Elise. Elise, why did you come here today?

[00:04:43] Because I like the podcast. It's helped me a lot. Dealing with my friend's suicide and my aunt's suicide. Yeah. It's helped me. I came into it with the wrong questions. And I just got a lot out of it at the end, I guess. Yeah, and what's your connection to suicide? My friend's suicide and my aunt. But mostly my friend. I was much closer to my friend than me. The pink and purple pill question. Now, you're not a suicide attempt survivor. You're not someone who thinks about it. So I'm still going to ask. Mm-hmm.

[00:05:13] Pink and purple pill. Take it. Go to sleep. Don't wake up. No pain. No one knows. Suicide. I give it to you. What do you do with it? I would give it probably back to you. I don't want that. Then I'd throw it away. I would let whatever happens, happen. Can't do it in the toilet, apparently. Huh? Don't put it in the toilet. No, no. I don't want to filter through everybody else in this area. Doesn't work on other people. Okay, well, no. I wouldn't take it. I wouldn't. Okay. What's one question that you said you were asking the wrong questions, maybe?

[00:05:43] Yeah. What's a question that you changed from what to what? Well, the big question, because I love my friend, the big question was, like, doesn't he know that he's loved? Doesn't he know that he's so funny? Doesn't he know he's so much? He was just the person I always wanted to be with. So my questions were, like, doesn't he know how basically great he is? Mm-hmm. And that's why I couldn't understand his suicide.

[00:06:07] But now I understand that his pain, it was just his pain that was more overwhelming than anything. It wasn't that he was unlawed. It wasn't that he—it was just the pain. The pain that he had was just more intense than anything else. Thank you. Here I go. What is your name? Marley. Marley, past guest of the Suicide Noted Podcast. Why did you come here today? That's a good question.

[00:06:31] You know, I just am drawn towards spaces where we can, you know, I can have, like, deep, meaningful conversations with other people, especially about the things that in normal life you can't talk about or feel like you can't talk about it. What's your connection to suicide? I'm an attempt survivor. Okay. I don't think I asked you the pink and purple pill question. I don't know if you listen anymore, so let me restate it. I have a pink and purple pill. I give it to you.

[00:07:01] If you take it, you go to sleep. You don't wake up. There's no pain. Nobody knows it's a suicide. I think there's only three things you can do with it. You take it. You can throw it out. Or you could save it. What would you do? And now, I'm just asking you today, Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon in a rainy Detroit. But today, as we talk. I think I'd throw it away. And that's surprising for me. Yeah. Why is that surprising?

[00:07:31] Because I would have always chosen to take it or save it. You know, what if life gets bad again? You know, that's a fear. But I think I would have thrown it away. He is. Thanks for coming. Thank you. Thank you for creating this space. You're welcome. What is your name? Emily. Emily, why did you come here today? I came here today because I was a past guest on the podcast with Sean.

[00:08:01] And I also just really believe in talking about this subject without a filter and being really honest about it. What's your connection to suicide? I'm an attempt survivor. I asked you this when we talked for the podcast. I'll ask you again today because things change. If I give you a pink and purple pill, if you take the pill, you go to sleep. You don't wake up. There's no pain and no one knows it's a suicide. What would you do with that, though? I'd probably take it. I think it never has changed. That answer has never changed.

[00:08:31] Almost. You would take it? I would take it. What flavor would it be? You get to choose. Watermelon. Did we talk about this? No. Did I ask you that? Never. So you would make your pill watermelon? That would be the last thing you would taste. Did you hesitate to answer that question honestly? Not the watermelon. The taking. Did I? No, I didn't. It kind of alarms me even, but I didn't. Yeah, it is what it is. Anything else you want to share? I'm happy to be here now.

[00:09:00] That's all that matters. Cool. Thanks. Okay, so those were some of our guests in eastern Michigan, Detroit slash Ferndale. Now we're going to go over to Muskegon in western Michigan so you can hear from some of our guests there. What's your name? I'm Stephanie Williams. Stephanie, why did you come here tonight? I came here because I chair the Suicide Prevention Coalition here in Muskegon County.

[00:09:26] And I received the invite from Scott. And I'm an advocate. And I'm an advocate. I am also an educator. So I do a lot of mental health presentations and things like that. And we're seeing a lot of suicides in our county, particularly with young people.

[00:09:51] And we do believe that we meet the criteria for the CDC's definition of cluster suicides as well because we have had so many young people in the same area die this particular year. And so coming to these types of things so I can learn, so I can be a better advocate and help strengthen and support our family. Thanks for coming. Yeah. Thanks.

[00:10:20] Appreciate it. Okay. What is your name? Brianna. Brianna, why did you come this evening? Larry's my husband. I wanted to support him. And personal experience, loss, you know, struggles with suicidal ideation, passive in the past. One more question, and that is what, in your experience, is both a loss survivor, it sounds like, and someone who's struggled with? I've had people that have attempted, thankfully not successfully.

[00:10:48] I'm also a nurse, so I'm taking care of many people. I've helped families cope that have had loss. I've experienced trauma. It's actually taking care of patients like that. So what do you think, this is a tough one, is the most, one of the most misunderstood things about suicide or suicidality? When you hear it, it's just like, nah, that's no bullshit.

[00:11:13] I think some people have this conception that it's selfish, and it's truly, it's really not. And that's definitely, I think, the biggest misconception. I don't think people are in a negative, selfish, making that decision. It's, I think people are at the very end of, you know, a long thought process, and a lot of people think people would be better off without them.

[00:11:43] So it's not true. I think that's the biggest misconception. Thanks for coming. Thanks. What is your name? My name is Ash. Ash, why did you come tonight? The biggest driving factor to come tonight is because I feel a need in our community, in most communities, to have a better understanding of suicide and how to be with the discomfort that we all feel.

[00:12:13] I also have my own personal relationship with it and have known people who struggle with it or who have taken our lives. So that's your connection? Yeah. Specific connection? Yeah. And in your experience, given what you just shared, is there something that stands out in terms of what's most misunderstood about people who are suffering or struggling with this, people who take their lives?

[00:12:42] I would say what seems most misunderstood is most of them really, they aren't selfish. It's actually usually quite the opposite. I think that a lot of these people that struggle with it feel a lot. They almost feel too much to know what to do with all of those feelings.

[00:13:11] And our society isn't set up to support a lot of feelings. So I think that the shame and the anger that people feel towards the people who make those choices is wildly misunderstood. Thank you. Yes. What is your name? Becca Newman. Becca, why did you come this evening?

[00:13:37] I came because I think it's really important that we have conversations about real life topics that most people experience at one point or another in their life that are considered taboo. And also because I've experienced suicidal ideation and thoughts most of my life. I was going to ask you your connection, but now you just told us the connection.

[00:14:05] You're also the owner of the space that you offered us. Yeah. Which was very kind. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, absolutely. One other question. We keep this kind of brief, but you can add whatever else you want, of course. And that is your connection, your experience around in suicide, suicide idea, whatever it may be, you or others. What is something that stands out as being especially misunderstood?

[00:14:30] I think the biggest thing that's misunderstood is how lonely all of us are if we just admit it. And I think that people that think about suicide a lot are very sensitive people that feel really deeply. And I don't think that that's really understood. Thank you. What's your name?

[00:15:00] Scott. Scott, why did you come here today? To talk about surviving a suicide attempt and have important conversations. I was going to ask you, what's your connection to suicide? Let me ask. Well, thankfully I survived a suicide attempt when I was 24 years old. And I feel fortunate to still be here. And I know a lot of people go through struggles every day in our community here. And so it's important to talk about. Last question.

[00:15:29] In your experience as both survivor and the work you do with suicide prevention, what stands out as one of, if not the most misunderstood thing about suicide or attempt survivors? The misconception that I think is most important for me to talk about is, I think people have a sense that somebody that's struggling right now, or if I'm struggling right now, there just can be a sense that that's always going to be one's reality.

[00:15:58] And that's not the case. Our lives are dynamic and fluid and they change. And even if we're facing situations that we can't control or change, our perspectives and our beliefs and our thoughts, we have a lot of control over. So I think the idea that people are destined, anybody's destined to die by suicide is the biggest myth that I'm in. Appreciate you joining us here, man. Thank you. All right. Now we're leaving Michigan and we are heading to Kansas.

[00:16:25] Let's hear from some of our audience members there. What's your name? Kirby Younger. Kirby, why did you come here this evening? Jillian's one of my best friends. So I came tonight to support her. Do you have any personal connection to suicide? Yes. All the time. And I think you should see it. Jillian's the one person who I'm comfortable talking a lot about. She actually helped me tell my family and talk to my family about everything and get me down.

[00:16:55] What's your name? Brianna. Brianna, why did you come tonight? I came to support Jillian. She was actually the reason I started therapy up again. I haven't been successful with it in the past, but she found me somebody that I can really connect with. And it will truly help save my life all the past year. So I really resonated with a lot of things they were both saying to me. Do you have any personal connection to suicide? Yeah.

[00:17:19] When I was 12 years old, I tried to take my life in the bathtub, just plugging my nose and trying to drown myself over and over. I wasn't successful at all. I didn't want to be successful. I just wanted to disappear, literally, like under the water. But my little sister was knocking on the door to the bathroom and wanting to come in. And we have a significant age gap. And I could just see her little feet and her little hands out there.

[00:17:48] And she's the one that kind of pulled me out of it and got me to sit up and say, phew, nope, I have too much. And I was only 12 years old. Had ideation throughout my life. But overall, I'm in a lot better place right now. So thank you. Thanks for coming. Yeah. Thank you. What is your name? Sarah. Sarah, why did you come this evening? I came this evening to support my husband and my good friend, Jillian, in their journey. Do you have a personal experience with suicide?

[00:18:17] Not me specifically, just friends. I guess that's personal. Of course. So you have friends that have struggled with this stuff. Yeah. You know. I do. I've lost friends. My husband's struggled. My friends have struggled. So I know. What about you? A struggle with suicide? Thinking and thought. Not really. No, I've actually never. But, which I'm sure is kind of weird to say. But not really.

[00:18:46] I think more people than that probably would say that. You think? I mean, if we had like the hardest quote truth-o-meter. Yeah. I don't know. But there's a good number of people who don't think about this shit. Yeah. Like, I mean, I've gone through like dark times where I've been really sad and impressed about things. Or like this certain loss and stuff. I've never really had like that feeling. Which can be hard to empathize with when you have somebody who is going through it.

[00:19:14] But it is something that, you know, people that have been near and dear to me that I've struggled with for years. Including my husband. And so it's been, it's been during it. Wow. That's awesome. Thank you for speaking with me and joining us. What's your name? Hi. My name is Shannon Davis. Okay. Last name. Oh, rewind. No. Well, technically I'm Shannon Ray Davis because I'm a ray of sunshine. Shannon Ray. Why did you come here this evening?

[00:19:41] I came here this evening because a dear friend of mine who I've grown up with and known since I can remember sent a note out to all of our friend group that she was putting together or attending or supporting a podcaster. Say that three times fast. Podcaster. For suicide awareness. And it's called Suicide Noted. Got it. To which I hashtag followed immediately.

[00:20:08] And to that point, I'm here because she calls. And when she calls, I answer. Especially when it becomes anything or, I mean, I come anytime for her. But that sounds really kinky. But the point is, let's bring it back. Let's bring it back home to what we're talking about tonight. And that is the reason why we are here. And it is mental health and suicide awareness, which is something that is very dear to her. So therefore, it's very dear to me.

[00:20:37] And also very dear to all of us. Or it should be because it does affect all of us. We've all experienced in some shape or form someone who has been affected by suicide. And I think also in reality, living as in breathing as a human being, we all have mental health issues. And we should talk about it more. So that's why I'm here. What is your... Do you have any personal experience outside of friends? Personal, personal? Personal? Yes. So personal, personal.

[00:21:06] I mean, myself and I have definitely dealt with different waves of mental health issues. And ones in which we don't always necessarily talk about them. I'm the strong one. I'm the fun one. And so to that point, I think that unlocking these spaces and time together in which we can openly and honestly share is incredible.

[00:21:29] In addition, I have a very close family member who has shaped my life, who struggles a lot with mental health and suicidal ideation, especially most recently starting off this year. And it's something that is a daily practice and a daily reminder that we need to remain human and show up for each other.

[00:21:50] So when someone calls, even if you can or can't be there, there are different ways that you can definitely pay attention and really lean into a space of ensuring that you're there for others. And always, not just for the fun times, not just for, you know, child recitals. I love going to their kiddos football games. But I think that the evolution of where we're at now is we show up for what's important and that's our brains and that's our emotions and that's our mental health.

[00:22:20] And, you know, coming from a really interesting situation that we have within our friend group, they have been highly affected by suicide. And a lot of us, unfortunately, attempts, even within our peer sets, we will say. And then now they're children. And so I think that now more than ever, I'm really happy that we get to set up this time and space together.

[00:22:45] I don't care if I have to fly from across the world, which I will, you know, and being invited here tonight, I was told, oh, you don't have to fly in for this. I had already bought my ticket because this is what matters. And if we're not showing up for each other human to human, presence to presence, why else are we here? What are we doing? And so that's just a little bit about why I'm here tonight and hope that helps. It does. I appreciate it. Of course. Thank you.

[00:23:13] And thank you for this time and being open and honest and opening up a space where we can all cultivate learning from one another and unlocking vulnerability and empathy in a world that is kind of crazy right now. And so having a moment of peace and getting to sit and listen to one another, I think is really important. Right. Thanks. What's your name? My name, what am I looking at? Oh, you can look at me or there's a little thing here. I'll look at you. Yeah.

[00:23:41] My name is Elizabeth Singer and I've known Jillian since middle school. Yeah. And why did you come here? I think you kind of just answered that, but no. Why did you come here tonight? Um, so the first time I heard about what she went through with her father was when she did the Soft White Underbelly podcast. Yeah.

[00:24:04] And I was on a walk. It was like a beautiful day. And she sent it to me and she said, here it is. Listen to it. And I ugly cried all the way up and down Blackman and 83rd street. And I had no idea that she had went through those things when we were friends and how she covered it. And I just, I love her.

[00:24:29] Do you have any personal, outside of the connection with Jillian, personal experience to suicide? Um, um, I'd rather get me. Not me personally. I was in a really dark place. I went through a divorce. Um, I have two daughters from a previous relationship and I got married and had a son who's severely disabled.

[00:24:50] Yeah. And so I've been in a lot of bad places for a long time. Oh, about eight years. And then now I'm just happy. Okay. Got out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for coming on so much. Yeah. Thank you. What's your name? Kathy. Kathy, why did you come tonight? To support my daughter. You came here to support your daughter? Yeah. Um, do you have any personal connection to suicide?

[00:25:16] Well, her father, who I was married to. Um, so it's hard. He, I, I loved him. I still love him today. And it was, uh, very rude. Thanks. That's it. Thank you. Great smile. Uh, what's your name? Uh, Josh Mast. Josh, why did you come tonight? Uh, to support my sister. Jillian, who I spoke to? Yes. For Jillian. Kind of you? Yes.

[00:25:44] Other than, and Jillian's life and her experiences, do you have any other experiences or connections to suicide? Well, uh, so, yeah. I mean, our dad killed himself, took his, took his life. It's been, I'm trying to think. Twelve years, I think. Yeah, twelve years. Uh, cause it was about two months after my second son. No, a little bit longer. A few months after my second son was born. It's been a while. Um, so that's, that's the major.

[00:26:11] One. I have, I've had stress on off and on for years. I mean, I struggled with, uh, suicidal ideation throughout high school. Mm-hmm.

[00:26:27] I wrote about it a lot. Uh, thought about it. Um, considered it and did, did not, but I'm in a much better spot now. Um, so that, I mean, those are my connections plus my sister, wherever she is. Well, thanks for coming tonight. I appreciate it. I've been talking.

[00:26:50] As always, thanks so much for listening and all of your support. Special thanks to everybody who came out in Michigan and Kansas. Really appreciate it. It was a good time. If you are a suicide attempt survivor or ideator and you'd like to talk, please reach out. Hello at suicidenoted.com. I would love to speak with you. That's all for this week's episode. Hope you enjoyed hearing some of the voices from the tour in the Midwest. Stay strong. Do the best you can. I'll talk to you soon.