Kotaro in New York

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_03] I had given everything I could do on this time on this earth was towards that goal. And so I started losing myself and at night I knew my life was over. My purpose, my calling for my time on earth is done. I'm good. I served my time. I don't need to be here no more.

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_02] Hey there, my name is Sean and this is Suicide Noted. On this podcast, I talk with suicide attempt survivors and ideators so that we can hear their stories. Every year around the world, millions of people try to take their own lives and we almost never talk about it. We certainly don't talk about it enough. And when we do talk about it, most of us talk about it with people in pain, of course, is what I really mean. Most of us are not very good at it and that's a problem. So one of my goals with this podcast is to have more conversations and hopefully better conversations

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_02] with survivors in large part to help more people in more places, hopefully feel a little less shitty and a little less alone. A couple of quick reminders. If you want to help us out with some spot checking, human review for the transcripts, reach out. We could use the help. And if you're curious about themissingrecord.com, check that out too. Themissingrecord.com. It might be something for you, perhaps somebody that you know. Finally, we are talking about suicide on this podcast. My guests

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_02] and I do not hold back. So please take that into account before you listen or as you listen. But I do hope you listen because there is so much to learn. Today, I am talking with Kotaro. Kotaro lives in New York and he is a suicide attempt survivor. Hey, Kotaro. I know that you were a professional athlete connected by your publicist. Thanks for being here. Where are you from, Kotaro? Tokyo. And what was your sport? Soccer. Where do you live now? New York.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_02] What part? City? Yes, sir. I'm from, I actually grew up on Long Island. I spent about 12 years in the city. The city you're in now. That's what we call it. You know that. You know, most people don't talk about suicide and even more don't talk about it publicly. So what, why are you wanting to talk about suicide openly with people? Spread awareness. I do suicide prevention talks. Yes. Suicide prevention talks. Okay. Did you try to kill yourself?

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, I did. How long ago?

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_02] 2020. And by the way, is that Mate? Yes, sir. Did you spend time in Argentina or South America?

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_03] If you want to get specific, it's actually not Mate. It's called Shimohong. It's part of, it's from the Southern part of Brazil where I spent majority of my career playing. That must have been pretty wild. I'm blessed.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_02] You're a man of few words, but the words matter. So I love it. I know just for the audience sake, like I'd say over 90% of the people that I talk to, like they just find the podcast and reach out. You're not one of them. You're one of them who has some, I don't know what you call it, an agent or a publicist? Yes, sir. My publicist. They help you out with finding speaking gigs. You have a book? Yes, sir. Sure. It's pretty standard, right? The book, the gig, speak, get a nice check. I'm a little envious of that, I'll be honest, but like, good for you, man. You are willing to talk about it, which is big.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_02] I appreciate it. Does anyone ever give you pushback and say you shouldn't talk about this stuff?

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, probably. I mean, criticism is good, right? I don't know. You tell me, man. Yeah. Criticism is good, but I'm not too sure. I don't listen to the people behind me. They're behind me for a reason. First of all, how old are you?

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_02] 28, sir. 28. So you're done playing professional sports? Yes, sir.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_03] Is that average? You got hurt? No, I just got to a point where I wanted to go after my dream. Oh, it wasn't soccer? No. What is it? Be the best motivational speaker I could be. That was the dream from how old?

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_02] 16 years old. So you knew that even before you were, presumably, you were around when you were starting to play at that high level? Yes, 100%. How so? Who was motivated? You must have been watching something on YouTube.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, man. There's a lot of people I owe thanks to, but a lot of guys like Eric Thomas, Inky Johnson. Even watching guys like Dr. Martin Luther King, Muhammad Ali, Gandhi, listening to them and the wisdom they provided me. At that point, at 16, I was selling drugs in Cleveland, Ohio, getting into a lot of trouble. How did you get to Cleveland, Ohio? My father's job. How old were you when you were there? Seven years old. When did you start selling drugs?

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_03] I was like 14. So you were going to be a bad kid? Not necessarily. I think I'm a firm believer that you're a product of your environment. That was the environment I was around. But I knew if I went 10 toes down, I could make it to the league in soccer.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_02] So you're playing some sports. What do we call this? I think you have more of the expressions down than I do, but you're kind of in two worlds. Yes, sir. How do you get from Cleveland to whatever the next places you live, whether that's school or sports? For me, I went to the University of Louisville.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_03] Cardinals? Cardinals, yes, sir. I went there in 2016. Soccer scholarship? Yes, sir. I played there in 2016, 17. And then I transferred to University of Akron, 2018.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_02] When you were on Louisville's team, their Division I program, were they a solid season or two or mediocre?

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, we were pretty good. We finished number six in the country. Oh, wow. That's a big deal. With Akron, we went to the national championship. We lost in the finals. Who'd you lose to? University of Maryland. How'd that feel? At that time, I was actually in Brazil. I got picked up by an organization a month prior to the national championship, so I left early.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_02] You shouldn't have been rooting for them now. Yes, sir. That's incredible, man. All right. Well, congratulations on your success with respect to that. So what part of Southern Brazil? Santa Catarina. Oh, I can hear the accent. How long were you there? In total, three years. Did you enjoy your stay there, Brazil? I know it might also overlap with hard life stuff, so I know the answers might not be one answer, but how was your time there?

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_03] Overall, I'm extremely grateful because I think I went to Brazil as a boy and I came out as a man. But when you go deeper down to the root of it, it was because of all the difficulties and hardships I had to go through. I always say this with Ten Toes Down is that Brazil has some of the most incredible and kindest human beings I've ever met in my life. If it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have made it out. So when you say that, you're thinking about suicide back then?

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_02] No, my suicide attempt was in Portugal. That was 2020. You don't usually, unless you're a rare, I've had a lot of conversations, you don't wake up one day and try to kill yourself. There's shit that leads up to it. Yes, sir. So I know it's impossible probably to have it, but this is the moment it started. But do you remember when you first started thinking about suicide? August of 2020. All right. Before then, never? No, never. Like as a kid, some kids, some teenagers? I grew up in a great family environment.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_02] All right. So when you say things are tough in Brazil, it's not like I want to kill myself. It's just tough and people are there to help you. Yes, sir. All right. How did you get to Portugal?

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_03] Towards the end of my first year, we got a new coach. I wasn't part of his plans. When we say that in sports, it means like I'm not going to get much playing time. I talked to my agent and we found out they could possibly trade me for some money. And so I ended up getting traded to an organization in Portugal.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_02] What part of Portugal?

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_03] I was in Guimarães. So you didn't play for Porto? No, no, no, no, no. I was playing like second and third division.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_02] Still fucking good though. I don't think people realize how good professional athletes are. They only see them against other professional athletes.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_03] Right. Absolutely. I think when people say there's levels to it, there really are levels to it. I think more so the biggest difference between, like you said, a professional athlete of all levels and a non-professional athlete, of course, there's a skill asset, but it's the mental asset.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_02] There's skill, bro, too. Come on.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_03] There's skill, but the mentality is different. Is it? Yeah, the best example I could give is if you race a professional athlete, you will either stop running, you will lose. Because the professional athlete's mentality is either you're going to stop running or I'm going to die running.

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_02] Right. That's their job. And one of the reasons it's their job is if they didn't have that mentality, it's very unlikely to get in that place at all.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_03] Exactly. I tell people like, with all due respect, like you don't want to see me turn it on. And my mindset will be to truly, genuinely from the bottom of my heart, to murder you. So there's a downside to professional athleticism.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_02] Absolutely. A hundred percent. There's no way to balance it. I mean, because the mind is such an interesting thing. There's no way to like turn it on and off. And I mean, to some degree, I know there's levels even while you're, maybe for you it wasn't, we'll talk about it. But like, that's such an interesting and frankly, I've never heard that kind of intensity level of like, just to get there, you have to have a kind of killer instinct. I just don't think you can necessarily easily turn that off when you're walking off the field.

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_03] I tell everyone, we have it turned off 95% of the time. Yeah. And, but the 5% we have it turned on, that's what makes business. That's, that's what makes us money. And that's what kills other people. You know? Tell me why that kills other people for real. I mean, are you mean exactly metaphorically or literally?

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_03] I think I mean it both. It's kind of like every year I signed a new contract. It was okay. I'm one year older. There's a whole new class coming in. If the league I'm playing for only has 1100 professional athletes in this league, one age group is going to have to go out. One age group has to come in. But I promise these new kids that are coming in, they're not going to outwork me. You're not going to take my position. And, and I always had that killer mentality. It was always. Were you born with that, do you think? Or does that get cultivated?

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_03] I think it gets cultivated by your environment. And, and I don't say this to, to make us look like superheroes or anything. I just say this, like I'm a firm believer. Everyone has different talent. For me, I don't, I don't think being a professional athlete was my talent.

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. I mean, you're in a small select group of people who were able to say I was, or I'm a professional athlete. It's, it's not a large percent of the population. What position did you play?

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_03] My first three years, I was a right back. And then I, I went, I switched back to center mid my, my last.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_02] So if I'm understanding and people listening know center mid means you are running a lot.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. But as I saw back, I'm running a lot too, the different way.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_02] No doubt. Appreciate you being here. Appreciate you talking about this. I know you do it a lot. There's some questions that don't apply to you as much because you do this on stages and on podcasts and you're very public about it. When did you start talking about this stuff publicly? And I want to hear about the actual suicide. February of 2025. So last year is the reason is the attempt or leading up to the attempt in August, 2020, the reason you stopped playing professional sports? No, not at all. No. Tell me about what leads up to your suicide. You said in August, 2020, you start thinking about it.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_03] What was going on there? I was a free agent for about three months. It was during COVID. So I couldn't work out with my trainer. I had to do work by myself. I'm putting in work by myself, taking my body beyond its limits. And then organization finally picks me up and I go into preseason flying. Like I'm running the fastest 40 I've ever ran in my life. I'm in the best shape of my life. But I think to get there, I took my body beyond its limits. So I think it was like day three into

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_03] preseason. I pulled my quad. I got there flying. I'm flying. And then quick, quick, three days in, I pull my quad. I remember I'm in the medical staff room and I'm literally raising my voice at the doctor, at our team doctor. Once he tells me, Hey, you're going to be out for four weeks, minimum. Your recovery time is anywhere from four to six weeks. But we had our season opener in three weeks. And this is everything I've ever worked for in my life. Like ever since I could ever dream as a

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_03] little kid. And so I get upset at him. I'm like, don't be saying that so lightly. Like you don't know where I come from. You don't know what I had to get through to get here, like get my body right. And I had this sense of frustration. And in my head, I'm starting to go into this little self-diagnosed depression state. I have to go into treatment every morning at 745. I clock in at 745 AM. I clock out at 8, 15 PM. I'm doing treatment all day just to give myself a chance

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_03] to play in the season opener. Then that's when my thoughts started to begin. I really thought like that was going to be the year that I was going to play in a season opener at the professional level. That's a big deal.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_02] For me, it's a big deal. There's no objective big deal. It's all personal. So for you, it's a big deal. And you said environment, you're about a lot of things are about environment, but this is like, there are people that would go to that wouldn't start thinking about killing themselves. Everyone's different, right?

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. I think just the, just the weight of what sports meant to me and then how I identify myself fully as an athlete. When I, when I tell you out the mud, like soccer was what got me out the mud. And so I was so identified as an athlete and everything I poured into was just solely for this bucket. I think that took me to a really dark state of mind when soccer wasn't working out.

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_02] Do you think that's like, if anybody, and I know we can't think for everyone else, but you're a smart dude. You've talked to a lot of people at this point about this stuff. Do you think if your sole focus or identity is one thing, it's usually a problem?

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_03] A hundred percent. That's my, that's my, uh, theme. That's my topic. Is it, isn't it the same thing? You just move, move things? Finding a deeper anchor.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_02] Fair. So that could be the one thing, but depends on the thing.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. If the anchor is on, on, on the surface level of the water, you, your boat's going to go everywhere. But once the one, once the anchor hits rock bottom, you're good, brother.

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_02] Also, man, your teeth are perfect. I fucking hate people who have perfect teeth. I got a lot of hate me, Katara. I got to work on that shit. So I want to hear more about that day. So August, you start feeling it. Do you remember the day you tried on your life?

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. September 20th, 2020.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_02] That's not a day you're going to forget.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_03] Never.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_02] Never. So a couple months of sinking, thinking about it every day?

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_03] No. Sporadic acting like, like what is my life with worse without, you know, football?

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_02] Notice that he did not say soccer American on it. Talk to anybody about it? No. Not, not one friend, family, doctor, trainer, therapist, zero. No. Do you think, you think it would have made a difference? Yes. Why did you talk to anyone?

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_03] Like I said, I'm a product of my environment and I come from a Japanese family. We don't talk about like mental health. We don't talk about those dark feelings as much. If you're bullied in school, you don't go up to mom and say, hey, I'm being bullied. It's, it's, you toughen up and you fight back. Is that a Japanese culture thing? Yeah. We, you know, everything we, we talk about at the dinner table almost nine out of 10 times is,

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_03] is positive. You know, if I pull up to the dinner table, I say, I'm, I'm trying to OD myself. We don't do that. Yeah. That's not so common. Maybe changing a little bit slowly. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to break that barrier, you know? Did you identify mostly as a Japanese guy or an American guy or something else? Uh, I identify myself as God's child. So God's in the picture? God is in the picture. He's the biggest picture. What, does your God have a name? Jesus Christ.

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_02] Would you talk to God in August or September of 2020?

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_03] I did. I was definitely dipping my toes into Christianity. Oh, you weren't born into that? No, I grew up Buddhist, but I started dipping my toes into Christianity when I was 18, when I left home. Is that about 10 years ago now? 10 years ago now. Yeah, yes, sir. But in September, 2020, God wasn't enough. No, God was what saved me. How so? I tore my quad three days before the season opener. Like I came back. So essentially, long story short,

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_03] I did treatment. I was able to come back 17 days later, but a four week injury was going to take me four weeks to recover. Like I'm not a robot, you know? And so, uh, the day before the season opener, uh, I, I tore my quad. Like it's still torn still to this day. Like it's, yeah, I thought I broke my femur. I was prescribed zolpidem, sleeping medicine. And he prescribed me for the duration of the month. So it was, I think like 30 pills. Like they told me one pill, five milligrams is very

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_03] strong. Like it'll knock you off for the entire night. Like you need sleep to recover. Uh, cause I wasn't averaging sleep. I wasn't getting sleep. And then that night I got a phone call from my agent and he told me that essentially I was traded, not traded as in to a different team. Essentially just cut, released. I was gone. You do not have, you, you are no longer a paid athlete at that point. Yeah. I'm unemployed. So I got, I tore my quad that morning, uh, prescribed zolpidem

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_03] after practice. Um, that happened at night. I had given everything I, everything I could do on this time and on this earth was, was towards that goal. And so I started losing myself and at night I knew my life was over. What does that mean? My purpose, my calling for my time on earth is done. Like I'm good. I didn't, I served my time. I don't need to be here no more. All right. Cause some people would

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_02] be like, but I'm still like alive. There's other shit to do. I'm just telling you what people might think.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_03] No, for me, I gave 22 years of my life to, to one thing and one thing only. And that was soccer. And when it was, when this dream was taken away, shattered it in one day. It just. To some, man, that day must've sucked. Yeah. My, my entire so-called calling, my purpose on that I thought was my purpose and my life taken away. And it wasn't necessarily, I wanted to kill myself. It was, I never want to wake up ever again in my life. So I. Is there a difference?

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. I mean, I don't know for me. I just didn't want to wake up ever again. So I grabbed 27 pills. I vividly remember because there were still three pills in the prescription box. Then in my left hand, I had a cup of water. I was, I was laying at the bottom of my bed and, and I just said, this is it. As I was about to take the pills in that exact moment, my phone was on the charger facing up and I got a text. It was a text from my brother. And he said, what are you doing?

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_03] And in that moment, I thought he was watching me and I got really scared. I jumped out of my bed and I decided to call him immediately. And then I opened up and that saved my life. I thought you didn't open up about it. I didn't necessarily open up. I, I told him what happened and I thanked him. Um, past tense, I thanked him for everything he's ever done for me in my life. And that, at that moment I was still planning on doing it. Brother called on what I was trying to do.

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_02] And really before or, or during the call? Oh, you think that text wasn't a coincidence? During the call. During the call. Do you think the text, do you think Jesus Christ has anything

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_03] to do with that text? Yeah. It wasn't a text from my brother. It was a text from a God. It came from your brother's number, but it was God's sign. It was God's message. How sure are you of that? A hundred percent. No doubt about it.

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_02] No doubt about it. Does your brother know that you feel that way? Yeah. He's heard my speech. Okay. It's part of the speech. I know I'm hearing bits of it. I'm sure too. Right. It's part of what we talk about. All right. So here's the thing. What do you say to people who are like, that's great, Katara. You believe in God or a specific God. I don't. Does your speech land? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. It's not, it doesn't have to be a faith-based thing. No, no. But it's different when you have that kind of faith

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_03] and you have that kind of belief. Not easy, but different. It is. And I, I, I'm just like you. I, in that moment, I wasn't, I wasn't chopping it up with Jesus. I was chopping up with my brother until later on. I, I, I really sat about it. I thought about it. I was like, maybe, you know, that text was too good of a timing. Like that, that's God's calling for me.

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. I mean, are you, are you talking about seconds away from ingesting those pills?

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_03] Literally 1126 PM was when I got that text. I still remember like it was yesterday.

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_02] Maybe in God's time, it is like yesterday. I mean, maybe, maybe God doesn't have that kind of timeline, you know? Exactly. But you said, you said after the call,

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_03] it wasn't as if you were immediately not suicidal. No, no. So essentially my brother wouldn't calm down. It was my first time ever seeing my brother cry ever in my life. So I was really, I really realized I was doing something wrong and like, it was kind of like the wake up moment, literally. And so we promised to stay on our phone call all night. He wouldn't let me hang up. Where was he? It was in Cincinnati, Ohio. All night you're talking or for hours, it sounds like.

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_03] All night. I eventually fell asleep and I woke up to the 27 pills that's open and scattered on the floor. What'd you do with him? I picked them back up and then I never touched them. Now looking back, it was like, that was kind of like my resurrection. But when I was moment, I woke up pissed. Yeah. Because you're alive, I assume. No, not because I was alive, but because of everything that happened.

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Like, just because you stay alive, your life is the same. Unless for example, I'm not saying this applies to you. Like people do have these massive moments. These epiphanies might be God related. It might not where it really changes the course of their life. But at that moment, you're still unemployed. You still just cut, cut. Your dream is deferred. You're still hurt. Right. Those things are all still true.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_03] Essentially. I wasn't cut long story short. So I can't get cut because I already signed a one year contract. Okay. But the actual detail of the phone call is they don't want you. They're not going to use you. But you're getting paid, which is sweet, but you didn't care about that. Yeah. And it's exactly what I said earlier. Like I'm out of the coach's plans. And that's a really hard thing to hear as a player. But I woke up and I was pissed, pissed. Like I woke

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_03] up and I got like over 15 phone calls from my agent and I've never ignored a phone call from my agent. And I was just so mad at him. I was mad at everyone, everything. I just wanted to be alone. My agent came and knocked on my apartment in Portugal. I didn't let him in. Like it was just me against the world. Not easy.

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_02] No, I was just so pissed. When you're pissed, some people punch walls, some people do drugs, some people cut, some people drink. Do you do any of those things?

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_03] No, I don't do any of that. I just stay to myself. Like leave me alone. Like truthfully. Doing nothing. Going through the motion of the day, doing nothing. How long does that last? I've never gotten that upset ever since then. Oh yeah. How long did that last though? A day, a week? No, probably months. Oh really? So you were in that state for months? That night I let my agent come into my apartment and we had a conversation, but I was still upset

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_03] at him. I say now I forgive him, but it's something like just because I forgive you doesn't mean I forget about you. And if I had a child, God, I wouldn't trust him with him. That's one

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_02] of those things. Do you think that you were good enough once you recovered to be playing and that was part of his fuck up? Yes, a hundred percent. I'd be pissed too. Just tell me a tiny bit about professional sports in that like if you were good enough, and I imagine you were, why doesn't he one, try to find you another team or I'm just curious, truly, I'm not judging, or just try to find another agent. Is it just not that simple?

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_03] One, you're contractually obligated with the agent or the organization. It's kind of hard to get out of either of those. And two, when you say just get on another team, it's not that easy. I worked my tail off just to get this contract, you know?

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_02] I don't think people realize that. I mean, they probably don't think about it much, but like even those guys playing in Division III in whatever country, like how much work is involved? Exactly. It's a lot. I mean, why would we know? We don't, unless you're getting some trade magazine or on a blog, you wouldn't know that. We just watch you once a week. Exactly. Or whatever it is, right? And we're like, wow, you fucked up. You didn't score. And then we get pissed at you or whatever. You made a shitty play and then you do something good and we get all happy. It's up and down, right? That's a whole other thing that like

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_02] the criticism of being a professional athlete, even at the local level must be hard. When someone insults this show, I get pissed. I listen. I listen because sometimes they're making some really good points. I try to be like, Sean, relax. You're not God. And I'm also talking about something that, and often talking about it in ways that is for some people, controversial. And so I'm aware of that and I get some pushback. I'm okay with it. I think I do it responsibly and ethically, but it's fair pushback. But nonetheless, you're like, fuck you. Right. Exactly. Exactly.

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_02] You know how long it takes me to edit an episode? So I'm not trying to at all compare myself to a professional athlete, but like I work hard. Absolutely. And it's like, oh, you're not seeing any of my worth. That's things.

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_03] When people say, hey, athletes are humans too. Like I genuinely am a firm believer in that. Like they, they don't see as, as one. It's weird what we do. And I'm probably when you're

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_02] in your twenties and you're having success, it feels amazing, but there's a few professions that we put on this higher level, this level that I think is unhealthy. I think. And the first few that come to mind are musicians, entertainers of all kinds and athletes. So the first two that come to mind.

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_03] Exactly. Like you can see, like, these are hundreds of messages, like threats, like criticism that I get when I, when I was playing. Oh, because they wanted you to be just score more goals or something? Yeah. Like my performance on the field, you know, like it never ends.

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_02] What, what, what, what platform are they sending out to you on like Instagram?

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_03] Instagram. Yeah.

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_02] Cause you had at least one public channel.

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. And that was kind of like, they're, I didn't, I didn't, thankful I didn't get them. Like they're, they go to like a request inbox.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_02] On that particular platform at that time in your life, you're getting more negative or positive?

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_03] A hundred percent negative. They're all mostly like 99%. It's just criticism.

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_02] That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. I'm so lucky. I'm the opposite. I'm about 99% positive. Not in my life. Like if we were to compare your optimism in life and mine, and then we're probably very different and you're probably way higher. What I mean is just that the feedback I get is almost all thank you type stuff, which is really surprising given what I talk about and how I do it. But anyway, so in your life, after what you went through, eventually something shifts. I don't know

[00:25:16] [SPEAKER_02] if it's in 2020 or 2021. And I also know a few years go by before you kind of, for lack of a better word, do something with it with respect to what you're doing now. Cause you said it's 2020 to 2025. What are those years like? How do you go from being essentially what it sounds like somewhat numb

[00:25:32] [SPEAKER_03] getting through the day and not? I never, like I said, I never went up to anyone, told anyone about it, but now looking back, I do think I was depressed, like self-diagnosed. I do think I was depressed. I was miserable. Like every day, just going through the motion, not talking to nobody. And I went through that for eight months. Do you think in those eight months, are you thinking,

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_02] are you ideating? Are you ever thinking about, I'm going to, I can't make it? No, I never gave up.

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_03] I never gave up. I kept holding on. It was just get through the day, get through, get through practice, get through the motion, get through therapy, not therapy, get through recovery, treatment.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_02] And you aren't seeing anybody for your mental health? No, no one, no one. Okay. So in fact, nobody, so there's only one person at that time who even knows that you were that close.

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_03] Yes. I think my brother told my mom and my dad, because they always wanted to check in on me and

[00:26:20] [SPEAKER_02] make sure I was doing good. I was doing straight. When you're talking to your brother, I mean, he knows you're not well. Are you giving him all the details? Are you kind of like, you're not, he doesn't know, like, for example, the number of pills at the time? Yeah. I guess he would say like sugar coating. Yeah. I mean, do they ever find out that detail? No. Until I

[00:26:39] [SPEAKER_03] imagine you start really being public about it. Yeah. I became public about it in 2022. Like I wrote a book about it. So what's the book called? Forever and Always. You don't know much about this

[00:26:49] [SPEAKER_02] podcast, but one of my gifts, Kotaro, is helping people find their memoir titles. I don't need to do that with you because you already had it, but how did you come up with that title? My grandpa

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_03] used to always say to me, I'm with you forever and always. And my first book's title is I'm with you. And the one I wrote in 2022 is Forever and Always. Oh, you made it two books? Yes, sir.

[00:27:08] [SPEAKER_02] Did you get a ghostwriter or you did it yourself? I did it myself. That's not easy. Were you self-published or you had a publisher? Self-published. Did anyone buy it? Yeah. Well,

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_03] I'm with you. I worked with my United Way of Cleveland to donate all income. I don't know. I haven't checked now. Last time I checked was like a year or two ago, but I was at like 800 or 900 copies. Good for you. And then the second book, when did you write that one? No, there's a children's book in between. That's a totally different genre. I love to write, draw, read, speak, draw, yeah, paint, whatever it is. Art. I'm an artist. I mean, great. You got to use it. Exactly. So the children's book got some illustrations. Yeah, I drew, I drew. I didn't

[00:27:44] [SPEAKER_03] know you couldn't do pen to paper nowadays. It had to allow to be an iPad. Oh no. Well, they can, they can transfer it. Somehow it can be done, right? Yes. I drew, draw on my iPad. I did it when I was in year four, when I was playing in the league and like drawing the children's book was like therapy for me. It's like finding simple yet meaningful language. Exactly. And yeah, I did it. I drew it. I completed the book with my brother and we donated to Cincinnati Children's Hospital.

[00:28:13] [SPEAKER_02] Nice. So, so I understand the timeline. All this, you're still playing. After you, after the eight months, you're not done with soccer, football. No, no, no. I'm still playing. I'm still playing. Okay. So then that makes me confused a little bit because the reason you had that night in September was that your dream was done. You were wrong. You got to play again.

[00:28:31] [SPEAKER_03] I was wrong and I got to fulfill every other goal I hadn't checked off. How did you, did you change agents, change teams? How did that come about? Contractually, I was obligated to stay until half a season. This was the January point. And so I stayed until January and I was doing recovery. Recovery time was about, I think four months. It took me about four months to get my quad right. But this is while you're now what you realize as depressed. I'm depressed. I, like I said, I'm going through the motion. I'm, I'm hate. I hate my life.

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_03] I, one thing, one thing about professional athletes, they mask themselves really well. I mask myself really well. So we wouldn't, so nobody really could tell from the outside.

[00:29:10] [SPEAKER_02] No, no, no, no. No. So you're living with it completely alone. Yes. Which now we know doesn't help. Doesn't help. But there's a reason people do it when they do it.

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_03] Absolutely. What was yours? That I don't show is because I had to have this thick skin, like growing up, that's what I had to have. And you're a professional athlete. Yeah. And as a professional athlete, you can't, you can't show your emotions. Like you have to be stone cold. And I was, I'm, I'm stone cold.

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_02] Man. I mean, you see the athletes express themselves on the field, but that's on the field. That's different.

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_03] Right. Off the field. Like I'm just a normal guy, you know? Of course. And that's the facade I put on. But are you showing right now or is this a more genuine you? This is, this is genuine me. I want that. I promise people you're going to get the authentic me. Like when organizations pay me to go up on stage, you're going to get me like authentic me.

[00:29:59] [SPEAKER_02] So it sounds like we could, we can kind of summarize this. You spend a few more years in Portugal playing professional football.

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_03] No. So at the halfway season, I'm still depressed. The organization wants to get rid of me because I can't play. They're just wasting money on me. I'm a liability to them. Right. They're paying for, for my treatment and everything. And I knew that was coming. And so I left my agent. I had to, you have to give a 90 day note, three month notice for my contract with my agent. If I'm leaving him. And he was kind enough to let me, let me go. A lot of times agents are going to say, Hey, that's in the clause that you can't, you can't get out of the

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_03] contract. I have to get you rid of. There's a lot of, a lot of gray area, but he let me go. So January of 2021, I was free to go move by myself. Thankfully my first organization in Brazil and Joyville, they wanted me back. So I went back and it was like a welcome home moment for me, but I'm still not happy. I'm still not myself internally. I'm going through

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_03] the motion, but there is an office right next to our team cafeteria. And I knew about it since my first year in the league. And I just kept walking past it because I knew the stigma and I got to a point in July, 2021. And I decided to walk into the office and it was our team sports psychologist. And I started seeing her. She changed my life. How so? It was the first time ever I got to open up. It was the first time ever I got help. It

[00:31:27] [SPEAKER_03] was the first time ever where I was able to let my guard down. It was the first time ever I learned like I didn't have to be perfect. And all of that was just so healing to me. And the most important thing is that up until this moment in my life, I identified myself as an athlete, as a soccer player. And I changed my identity from being an athlete to being a Christian. The end and the beginning of everything. November of 2021. Yeah. The moment I gave everything to God, everything just started falling in place. And you're still playing soccer, football?

[00:31:57] [SPEAKER_03] Yes, I'm still playing football. Yeah. We won our first championship, my first championship ever in my career. And things just started to go uphill from that moment. And it's a woman that I still think still to this day.

[00:32:08] [SPEAKER_02] One thing that I just weirdly thought about is I'm imagining these conversations you're having with women who you say saved your life were in Portuguese.

[00:32:16] [SPEAKER_03] Portuguese, yes, sir.

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_02] So is your Portuguese good enough to be able to express so much?

[00:32:21] [SPEAKER_03] Yes, sir. I wrote a book in Portuguese. Which book is in Portuguese? It's called Estou Contigo. I'm with you. The first one? Yes, sir. The first one was written in Portuguese? No, I wrote it in English. I just translated it to Portuguese and Japanese. That's really cool. So you play until when? What year? I stopped playing January of 2025, last year.

[00:32:43] [SPEAKER_02] The next month you, or maybe perhaps earlier, you start speaking on stages, bigger stages.

[00:32:50] [SPEAKER_03] I was always like speaking sporadically. Like I said, it was always my dream to be a full-time speaker, but I dove in fully into it with my business, with solely myself last year. Yes, sir.

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_02] Last year. So you go from Brazil to New York?

[00:33:05] [SPEAKER_03] No, no, no, no. I played in Brazil. My contract there was one year. I went to Georgia. I was in Georgia. What team? South Georgia Tormenta FC. It's closer to Savannah area.

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_02] Was that the MLS?

[00:33:19] [SPEAKER_03] No, that's USL. So the league below MLS. And we won the national championship there that year. The only missing box of my ambition when it comes to soccer was playing a major league. I still haven't played in a major league. And that year I got the phone call that I was waiting for. The Hong Kong Premier League, they wanted to sign me. So I decided to, I was planning on retiring then, but I got the phone call to play in the majors. So I went to Hong Kong and I checked off

[00:33:48] [SPEAKER_03] that checkbox and I decided to go after my real dream.

[00:33:51] [SPEAKER_02] How long did you play in Hong Kong for? For about a year. So you got to travel the world so much is nice. See some different places. I did. I did. Nice. I've been blessed to be able to do that too. So I can, I know it's not always easy, but it's kind of cool. It's better for, I think, than just staying in Cleveland all day.

[00:34:07] [SPEAKER_03] Exactly. Cleveland, Cleveland's always going to be my home, but.

[00:34:10] [SPEAKER_02] And you've been speaking, what's the name of your presentation? I assume you have probably a couple.

[00:34:14] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, I have a couple, but I just say be great. Be great. I see as I tell people, it's the B grade tour. I just go around to universities, high schools, corporate, professional organizations. I speak, my niche is three avenues, mental health, identity, and overcoming adversity.

[00:34:33] [SPEAKER_02] I imagine the details vary a little bit depending on the audience and other things, but do you talk about the suicide or the near suicide?

[00:34:40] [SPEAKER_03] If an organization wants me to talk about mental health, I do like a consultation call with them before every speaking engagement, understand the idea of what they expect. If they want mental health, then I'll ask, Hey, do you want me to talk about suicide prevention? And then sometimes there'll be like, call 888. Can you say that in your speech? And then, you know, it's customized.

[00:35:00] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, yeah, of course you can. Of course, of course they're hiring you for a reason and, you know, they're paying you for a reason. Now, what are your thoughts when you say suicide prevention? Let me ask you a question. I know it's not the only thing you talk about, but you are talking to me about this and this podcast is called suicide noted. What do you think about people who want to kill themselves?

[00:35:16] [SPEAKER_03] I think it'd be unfair of me to put everyone in a box. I think every case is different. So I won't know until I get to talk to them one-on-one. But in general, I think the end of a chapter is not the end of the book. So whatever they're going through is not the end of the book. It's just the end. It might be an end of a chapter or it might be a beginning of a new chapter. So

[00:35:37] [SPEAKER_02] is it feel weird? So you asked me earlier, when it came up earlier, I asked you if you had a suicide attempt and you said something like, you tell me. Yeah, you tell me. And I don't buy that.

[00:35:46] [SPEAKER_03] You tell me. Was it a suicide attempt? It was an attempt of never wanting to wake up again.

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_02] All right. So we're playing with words a little bit, but that's fine. That's fair. If you don't find God, are you on this earth right now? Yeah. Probably different life though. And different like mental state. Do you ever think about killing yourself these days?

[00:36:06] [SPEAKER_03] No. There was a point where it might've been last year where I was just like going on a walk and I thought like, if my time to go is now, like if God tells me my time to go is now, like with all due respect, and I say this in the most humble way, like I've accomplished more than I could ever dream of. I will be ready to go. Like now, I mean, I don't, I don't think of that now, but I had that thought. And it's a thought that I think about sometimes like, wow, I had that thought, you know? I think it's a very human thought.

[00:36:36] [SPEAKER_03] A five-year-old me, if you ask me five-year-old me, all I could ever dream about, all I could ever think about, all I could ever talk about was playing in the league, becoming that top 1%, um, signing that professional contract, being that professional athlete. I did it and I'm a new chapter in my life. And so just like everything I've ever, I could ever dream of. I could, I got to accomplish it. You know, I had that thought.

[00:36:59] [SPEAKER_02] Your brother and mom and dad worry about you. I mean, that, that phone call changes people's lives.

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_03] Not anymore. I think they know how resilient I am. They know the work that I'm doing and I'm trying to do. They're not worried about me right now. I think I would more so say like, they're really proud of me.

[00:37:16] [SPEAKER_02] Nice. That doctor in Brazil, um, you ever talk to her? Message her?

[00:37:21] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. I still, I still message her still to this day, just like thanking her, checking in

[00:37:25] [SPEAKER_02] on her. Yeah. She's an incredible woman. It sounds like she is. Yeah. Yeah. Did she ever, I don't know what her, um, she's a doctor or not, but did you ever get a diagnosis you think is accurate?

[00:37:34] [SPEAKER_03] No, I never, I never got a diagnosis. No, I didn't even think about depression until she told me, Hey, do you think you were depressed? And then I said, like, maybe she said all the symptoms you told me you do know fall under depression. Um, and I get, and I said, I mean,

[00:37:49] [SPEAKER_02] I guess we'll never find out. If I asked Kotaro any age up until whenever in 2020, you're going to be on the edge of suicide. Let's use that term. Would you have thought I was out of my

[00:38:00] [SPEAKER_03] mind? Yeah. So I guess it's one of those things like you don't believe it's going to happen until it's happening to you. Um, like you, you see car accidents on video or sometimes even in person, but you, you won't believe that how important SIBO is until it happens to you. I think it's one of those things. And it happened to you. Yeah. And if,

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_02] your brother and or God doesn't intervene, we don't know what the 27 pills would have done. There's no guarantee. I mean, overdoses usually don't, don't work if we want to use that terminology,

[00:38:28] [SPEAKER_03] but you may be dead. Right. Exactly. And that's the beauty in the ugliness, right?

[00:38:33] [SPEAKER_02] That's a paradox for sure. I have a few more questions I want to ask you. And I'm going to appreciate you taking the time because I know you're a busy guy specifically with mental health. And if you even want to go down to specifically with suicide, are there any major myths or misconceptions that you want to dispel and say that you are not correct? Yeah.

[00:38:49] [SPEAKER_03] Breaking the barrier. Like you opening up, you speaking about it does not make you look weak, does not make you vulnerable. It's not only for females. It's not only for non-Asians. There's no

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_02] category. You opening up shows how strong you are. I tend to agree with you. I wonder why people think it's weak that frankly, let's be honest about it. I think from what you've shared, your parents might

[00:39:11] [SPEAKER_03] have said the same thing. I keep repeating it, but you're a product environment. And so being real, maybe I'm not sure the generation, how it was for you, but my generation, like if you told them, you know, I'm going through something, they call you a pussy. They would say, stop being a wuss.

[00:39:27] [SPEAKER_02] Stop being a girl. It's generation. And it is like you say, environment too.

[00:39:30] [SPEAKER_03] That's the environment you grow up in and you start going through difficult moments as you get older, as an adult, like that's going to be internal. Like, Oh shoot. Like I can't let it out. I'm being a

[00:39:40] [SPEAKER_02] wuss. So that's a perfect segue to the one place I want to push back respectfully. When you say, talk about it and you didn't necessarily say, talk about it. You said you worded it a little differently, but there's a reason people don't talk about it. You experienced it yourself. There's also people, and this is my experience in having spoken to a lot of people. They do talk about it. And when they do talk about it, that's exactly what happens. And sometimes it's not just a neighbor or a coworker, it's a doctor, or sometimes they talk about it and they get thrown

[00:40:07] [SPEAKER_02] into a psych ward and maybe that's not the right place. You know, there's things, there's consequences and sometimes it's a risk. So I hear a lot of the just talk about it campaigns. I'm like, yeah, but there's other parts that we should talk about within talking about it. Does that make sense?

[00:40:19] [SPEAKER_03] Right. Absolutely.

[00:40:20] [SPEAKER_02] So it's like, what do you, how do we reconcile that? And I don't know if we're going to come up with an answer, but it can be risky.

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, absolutely. I think for me, I'm not experienced enough, but I guess for me, how I see is, is when a student comes up to me and starts talking about suicidal attempts, that's when I have to physically go out of my way to get other people involved.

[00:40:39] [SPEAKER_02] I understand your role. Yeah. But do you talk to them or do you immediately kind of say, you got to go talk to this person or call 988? No, I don't say. Do you feel comfortable talking to them?

[00:40:48] [SPEAKER_03] I genuinely feel confident and I don't talk from a sympathetic level. I talk from an empathetic level. For me, I feel them. Like when they open up to me, I feel them and I'm just such a lover and I want to pour out so much love to them and I want to make sure they're good, literally so good. But after that, I have to get else involved.

[00:41:10] [SPEAKER_02] I ask that because I think a lot of people see their role in suicide as just, I'm this person that needs to immediately strongly advise that they go see somebody else or go make a call. And I think you're missing an opportunity to show what you just said. Exactly. Because in that moment for them, that's probably what they need. Is it the answer? No, probably it's a part of a larger answer, but you don't need to just pass them off. And what I call

[00:41:37] [SPEAKER_02] outsource empathy. You can be the empathetic one. And then, then there's other stuff to do too. Sure.

[00:41:42] [SPEAKER_03] Absolutely. It's like, you know how much courage she or she had to have to even come up to me and tell me that and you want to disrespect him or her. They're a human being. They're someone's daughter or son and I'm going to treat them exactly like that.

[00:41:55] [SPEAKER_02] I have a question I ask every guest. This question is going to apply to Kotaro right now. Kotaro at a different point in his life, but let me ask you the question. It's called the pink and purple pill question. It's not real, obviously, but if you take it, if I give it to you somehow, what happens to you is exactly what you want it to happen on that day back in 2020. You go to sleep, there's no pain, you don't wake up and no one knows it's a suicide. So we can have him throw out, you know, we can get rid of the shame in some places that's associated with my son killed himself.

[00:42:23] [SPEAKER_02] Nobody even knows. It's a quiet, safe, easy death. I'm pretty sure I know the answer today if I give it to you. What would I do with it? Yeah, I'm going to give it to you right now through Zoom. Right now. Right now. I would never take it. But would you save it or would you throw it out? Throw it out. Why? I mean, you know it's possible dark days are ahead.

[00:42:44] [SPEAKER_03] Absolutely. But for me, I know God's calling and my calling isn't finished yet.

[00:42:49] [SPEAKER_02] But the tricky part of that is, man, if I gave it to you on that night, you might not be here.

[00:42:54] [SPEAKER_03] Right. Because like I said, I think my anchor was on the water, not on rock bottom.

[00:42:59] [SPEAKER_02] You're in this chapter now. You've used the word chapters a few times. Do you have an idea of what the next chapter is?

[00:43:05] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, absolutely. Giving all glory to God.

[00:43:07] [SPEAKER_02] Man, I kind of envy people who have that kind of faith.

[00:43:10] [SPEAKER_03] Like, you know, I can never force religion upon you, but I just have to live in a way that reflects his message and his values. And if you see something different in me, that's the reason.

[00:43:22] [SPEAKER_02] That's the way to go about it. I think that's probably the only way people even start to think about it. I think forcing it is almost always backfires.

[00:43:29] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. And it's the story of the sun and the wind, right? The sun and the wind compete to see who's stronger. They see a man that's walking with a jacket on. And they see whoever gets him to take his jacket off winds. And so the wind's forcing wind at him, but he gets cold. So he bundles up even tighter and the sun doesn't do that. He just sits over him, just does what it does naturally. And all of a sudden he gets hot as he takes his jacket off. And the moral of the story is what's forced will never stay.

[00:43:58] [SPEAKER_02] Interesting. I think I should know that. Why don't I know that story or parable? I don't know if I entirely agree with it, but yeah, I guess it checks, it tracks. Random question for a pro soccer player. Did you watch the World Cup?

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_03] Did, yes, sir. Who were you rooting for? I was rooting for Argentina. Hmm. Weird game, wasn't it? Very weird game. I think it was very not entertaining.

[00:44:20] [SPEAKER_02] I would agree with you. Americans love offense. So we loved, if anyone watched the French-England game, that was out of control because they were so loose, right? Exactly. Playing so open. But I was surprised. I didn't realize Spain is obviously a very, very, very good team. But they really, I don't think Argentina had a shot on goal. No. The stat was crazy. It was like 20 to 0. Yeah. And I mean, just, you know, hey, Messi to me is the greatest. I think is the, you know, is that, do you agree?

[00:44:50] [SPEAKER_03] Yes, sir. Me too.

[00:44:51] [SPEAKER_02] I actually just, I know we're going off script here a tiny bit, but like, I don't even understand the Ronaldo debate. I think there's several players better than Ronaldo.

[00:44:57] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Right now. I think when we look at prime, they were close. I think they were close. Like pure soccer talent. I think Messi is the greatest of all time. When you talk about goal score, Messi's still there, but I think Ronaldo's close to there as well.

[00:45:13] [SPEAKER_02] The debate will always go on, man. Do you ever get in your public presentations any negative feedback?

[00:45:19] [SPEAKER_03] I have not. From one of my mentors, what he told me was like, maybe you should take a little bit more time to think about the answers before you give them. And I think I really appreciated that because, you know, I can't see from what it looks like outside looking in. I can only see from my perspective. And so I've taken that to heart. And, you know, when people ask me certain questions, I try to think a lot deeper.

[00:45:45] [SPEAKER_02] I'm sure people appreciate that. Yeah. I can also imagine if you're doing it fairly often that you hear some of the same questions. So it makes sense that you'd have a quick response. It's also a little of, and I don't mean this in any negative way. It's a bit of a performance. That person needs to see that you're giving it some thought.

[00:46:01] [SPEAKER_03] Exactly. Exactly.

[00:46:02] [SPEAKER_02] Where can people find you online?

[00:46:04] [SPEAKER_03] Social media, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, TikTok. My website is www.kotaromeda.com.

[00:46:12] [SPEAKER_02] I don't put the links in there. So it's K-O-T-A-R-O-U-M-E-D-A.com.

[00:46:19] [SPEAKER_03] Yes, sir. And I always respond within 48 hours. Oh, you do? Yes, sir.

[00:46:23] [SPEAKER_02] I appreciate you saying call me sir. I don't know if I like it, but I appreciate it. Real quick here. I did actually email Kotarou after we talked and he responded within 48 hours because I wanted to ask him a question I didn't have a chance to in this conversation. And the question was, how do you think Jesus feels about those who end their lives? His response, it all depends on what your relationship with Jesus is like, if a person even has any. I think people don't realize there's a relationship with the

[00:46:52] [SPEAKER_02] religion of Christianity and a personal relationship with Jesus. Is there anything else you want to add, my man, before we get back to our days?

[00:46:58] [SPEAKER_03] No, let's be great.

[00:47:00] [SPEAKER_02] Is that how you end most of your presentations or your calls?

[00:47:02] [SPEAKER_03] Be great. Be great. Not good. Be great.

[00:47:05] [SPEAKER_02] Not good. Be great. I love it. Thank you. What's the rest of your day like? I'm curious.

[00:47:10] [SPEAKER_03] Tuesdays, I do a lot of content editing and I have a call with a university actually to go over a possible speaking opportunity.

[00:47:18] [SPEAKER_02] There you go. Normal Tuesday. The normal Tuesday at NYC is still my home, even if I haven't lived there in many years. Kotaro, thanks, man. And be great yourself.

[00:47:28] [SPEAKER_03] Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it.

[00:47:30] [SPEAKER_02] All right. Take care.

[00:47:31] [SPEAKER_03] Take care. Bye.

[00:47:35] [SPEAKER_02] As always, thanks so much for listening and all of your support. Special thanks to Kotaro in New York City. Thanks, Kotaro. If you are a suicide attempt survivor or ideator and you'd like to talk, please reach out. Hello at suicidenoted.com. If you are curious about a commercial project or service that I offer, check out themissingrecord.com. Maybe it's for you. Maybe it's for somebody that you know. It is unique and innovative. I think it can help some people out. And it is definitely leveraging the skills that I have been improving upon over many,

[00:48:04] [SPEAKER_02] many years now. That's all I've got. And that's all for this week's episode. Stay strong. Do the best you can. I'll talk to you soon.